New Critical Fumble Table

Rolled a 1 to hit? Then roll a d6:

1 - break your weapon
2 - hit yourself
3 - miss your next turn
4 - get tripped / fall over / slip on banana peel
5 - drop your weapon
6 - hit a random other person within reach

Carcosa Report - Part 3 (by Fabs)

Chapter 3 – Deal with the devil

After the extremely unsuccessful attempt to take down the sorcerer, we regrouped at White Town. We got hit so bad that a couple of us had to be treated by the healer for over a week! Before getting destroyed by a bunch of brainless lotus harvesters, we did notice there were lots of black lotus flowers in there! Our financial situation wasn’t particularly great, and considering that we planned to take down the sorcerer, we needed some source of income in order to get the appropriate equipment for this quest. Decision made: let’s go and steal the sorcerer’s lotus. A Job that we completed smoothly, despite the presence of several lotus farmers. Because this time we were intelligent enough to allow Rozilla to use her crazy alien gun. Not a single scratch on any of us! We got the lotus and traded it with the red people for potions, weapons, poisons etc. Finally we felt ready for fighting the sorcerer!

On the way back to the caves we came across a slave train, similar to the one where we were kept few days earlier. We decided to attack the slavers and in the process free the slaves using Rozilla’s psychic powers to open the cages, so that we could get some extra help from them. The plan worked quite well, but just when everything seemed to be going smoothly Pearl (Oli) engaged combat and died. Same process again: decapitation of the dead body and head in the jar. Now we carry two heads around with us.

Three of the slaves (I still like to call them like that, even though they are freemen now) joined our party and followed us to the caves. There we first looted what looked liked a lab of an alchemist. Carrying on our exploration we met two servants of the sorcerer, but managed to (temporarily) talk our way out of a potentially sticky situation and pretended to have an appointment with their boss. We continued our search for a bit longer and managed to get attacked by some bats, which poisoned Claudia (Fabs) and Jim Bridger (I know it’s not the actual name…but I thought I’d pay tribute until I know the actual name of Oli’s new character!).

---digression 5/Bats rabies

It’s worth remembering that, because of the rabies, Claudia and Jim will attack anybody during a fight unless they make a save!! Until they get healed, watch your back!

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In the caves we found an impressive mushroom forest where we got stopped by a huge robot. We managed to convince it that we were waited by the sorcerer. The robot took off and we followed him, managing to locate the sorcerer’s hideout. But just when we were preparing an ambush the sorcerer came out and called for us. The tension was pretty high and it seemed like things were going to escalate quickly, especially after Rozilla used her telekinesis to steal another ray gun from the sorcerer. For some mysterious reasons we decided to listen to what the sorcerer had to say, learned more about his job and the stuff that goes on around the area. And then we got a job offer: we are slavers now!

---digression 6/The Sorcerer

The sorcerer lives in this caves where he harvests lotus and carries on his sorcery/voodoo shit. He needs people to farm lotus though, so he pays mercenaries to give him new peasants, who are treated with lotus themselves and become brainless. We have agreed to become his providers of slaves now and he’s requested 10 people. We still have to figure out how to do it stealthily though!

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Carcosa Report - Part 2 (by Fabs)

Chapter 2 – Big trouble in White Town

The dino-riders were particularly interested in knowing more about some of the things happening in an area which seems to be controlled by a powerful sorcerer. They didn’t know much though, so we thought we could help and check out what's going on around the caves where the sorcerer lives. Any excuses to get in the mix and kill some people/beasts/infants/ladies/zombies work for us. We are very democratic in choosing our victims, everyone has a chance: no discrimination whatsoever. We then travelled north (I believe?! Matt scan the map for me please) and got to White Town, a town with only white people.Those guys confirmed that the sorcerer lived in the caves; also every now and then that guys sends some weird beasts to kidnap people in their town. That’s not good, is it?!

---digression3/White Town

The white people don’t have much to offer, they seem to be a relatively poor community of peasants and hunters, nothing more. The only interesting figure in their community is a healer, who is very worried the citizens of White Town are starting hating him a bit. Some of them seem to be mistakenly suspicious about his role in the community. That’s what we gathered from him thanks to Rozilla’s (Ben’s) psychic powers. Stalking level: 30.

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We decided to help out the white people, even though White Town is not a rich place and those white chaps have no significant rewards to offer. The white people told us also about a fortified town relatively nearby inhabited by a community of red people.

---digression 4/Red Town

The red people are mercenaries and offer their services around the area. They are also very interested in trade and commerce, their specialisation being poisons and lotus flowers. And where do they get their lotus from? From the sorcerer!! They are not particularly friendly and don’t let anyone enter their community.

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So we decided to find and (maybe) kill the sorcerer. We travelled to the caves and in the very first corridor found a bunch of weird people harvesting for lotus. We probably could have walked past them, but somehow we decided to engage combat. What we didn’t know was that this fight could have potentially ended in a total party kill! In fact after a few rounds we were all dead or unconscious, with the exception of Simon’s character (name?!), who managed to kill the last one of the lotus farmers and dragged our bodies to the dinosaurs. But we could have never made it if Simon didn’t feed a massive slug (is that what it was?) with Malte’s dead body…but Simon, in a moment of true loyalty and friendship, beheaded Malte. Now that head is in a jar that we proudly carry with us wherever we go.

Carcosa Report - Part 1 (by Fabs)

Life in Carcosa is not easy. One day you are slave, next day you are a slaver. One day you ride a dinosaur, next day you are firing an alien laser pistol. And then it can happen that an elderly couple offers you a meal, moved by the fact that you and your buddies are just a bunch of teenagers. Very nice people they are, what a nice couple. No wait! Those fuckers poisoned your meal. Even though you didn’t know those fuckers, they still tried to kill you. As I said, life in Carcosa is not easy.

Let’s see if I remember everything we’ve done so far. People are welcome to contribute and add all the things that I’ve missed out. Here we go!

Uh, please post all the names of your characters, I can remember only a couple!

Chapter 1 – Give us some fucking dinosaurs!

We started off trapped in a slave train in the desert. Not a nice start. But then a bunch of freaky looking cannibals assaulted the convoy, killed the slavers and had a nice human banquet. Those scary cannibals didn’t have the chance to carry on for too long though, as a group of awesome dino-riders appeared and spanked them pretty hard. At that point we knew that all we ever wanted from our ephemeral life was to ride a dinosaur. So we joined the dino-riders .

---digression 1/the dino-riders

Their duties, from what I remember, span from killing random baddies (cannibals, slavers etc.) and investigating things in the villages, making sure people venerate the gods they like. Not that we care much about their job… we just want some fucking dinosaurs!

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The dino-riders were keen on giving us some of their dinosaurs only if we were capable of impressing them, and so we accepted a quest they proposed: go to a village where, apparently, there’s a particular cult that the dino-riders don’t particularly like and investigate. Right on! They had no idea of the consequences.

So we went to the village and burned it down, spectacularly killing more than 300 people, and smashed the head of some horrible semi-god that lived in a pit by throwing an anvil at him. And then we camped outside, enjoying the huge column of smoke covering the moon. Nothing better than a genocide to start a new campaign. And that’s when those two old chaps appeared, offered us a meal and poisoned us.

---digression 2/the elderly couple

They are white and live in the caves somewhere…it’s pretty much all we know! So let’s make sure we don’t forget about them!

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We managed to survive this coward murder attempt - says the group of teenagers that killed over 300 innocent people, including women and children…but it’s Carcosa, so fuck it! The dino-riders were well impressed and gave us a few of their docile and tamed Jurassic reptiles. Yay!